Intimacy is a core need. If we have closeness, passion, and love in our lives, then we’re more resilient, and the inevitable difficulties in life don’t seem so important.
We have what matters.
Although relationships, including those outside romantic adult ones, require consideration of two parties, the focus of EBT is decidedly individual. The purpose of EBT practice is equip you with the skills to know your brain state, whether you are in stress or balance, and to pop your brain into balance and to stay in that moment more of the time.
In that state of balance, you’ll experience high levels of well being. You’ll feel powerful, present and rewarded. You’ll have desire. In that state, you’ll not only feel peace, pleasure, and comfort from within, but those good feelings will naturally spill over into feelings of love for others – and for life. In that state of intimacy with yourself, you will find yourself more apt to be deeply and rewardingly intimate with others.
The abundance of intimacy and pleasure brings with it an unexpected bonus. The brain is reward driven. Our pleasure pathways seek rewards and, if we don’t get them from natural sources — intimacy with self, others and life – then our cravings and appetites for common stress-related excesses ramp up. The unexpected bonus of using EBT is that those cravings and appetites tend to fade away.
We all want love. Giving and receiving love is the ultimate pleasure. And just to make it harder, from a developmental perspective, emotional closeness, lasting desire, and loving companionship are the most evolved things we do; they require the highest amounts of these skills.
That’s why committed relationships are “people growing machines”. The rewards are so sweet that we’ll accept the pain involved to get it. What’s better than a shared belly laugh with your love, the tender touch, the wordless knowing, the quivering desire, and the shared moments an memories of friends and family? No wonder people will go to the ends of the earth to follow their soul mate, even though going there takes a credit card and an airline ticket. Those are not hard to get. It’s when we arrive that we’d better have our tool kit of these tools at hand.
Relationships are about connections, and connections are a matter of neural networks. Your relationship is in its current state because of factors that were largely beyond your control even if it seems otherwise. Much of the capacity to create intimacy in our lives comes from genetics and early experiences, and much of the stress that cuts into the safety of relationships is situational. A cluster of losses, changes, and upset may have brought out the worst in both of you. The tools to change those strongly wired neural networks have been hard to come by – until now. EBT gives you those tools. It’s part of the human condition to have rough patches and rocky periods in relationships. Our neural networks cause us to feel attracted to those sho a re like those who raised us – both positive and negative tendencies. You chose this partner, in part, because of your wiring.
EBT is a very powerful method but your results won’t be as dramatic if you hold onto resentments. Forgiveness is the rational thing to do. But even though it may be logical to forgive and begin again, forgiveness isn’t a matter of logic. It is emotional. We can’t think our way to forgiveness. It requires far deeper work. True forgiveness requires the neurological rewiring of emotional circuits in the brain the bring acceptance and wisdom.
Healing the past takes feeling our feelings, not only about our partners, but or early wounds too. It takes going into the hotbed of the feeling brain and looking at the very roots of those feelings – and at the unreasonable expectations the have fueled them – and changing. Them. We find the nuggest of truth that is fueling those emotional overractions, thoe neural networks of pain, and when we do, we can heal. Lvoing others heals and matures us. Blaming others keeps us stuck in stress and immaturity.
In addition to the five basic EBT tools, other EBT tools are woven in to this method and will aid in your development including: Making Requests, Intimacy Connections, Intimacy Cycle, Zero Tolerance Tool, and Splitting Tool.
Joy is contagious. The power of one person getting these skills in which they can stay at a 1 in which they feel connected – spiritually, emotionally, relationally – can be so contagious because in your brain are mirror neurons that pick up the emotions of others – if you can stay in joy when others are stressed, they can pick up your joy, your balance, and that it transmitted to there brain through mirror neuons. They arouse circuits that are similar to your circuits which arouse joy. So, you can imagine that these EBT tools are catching and affect those around us!
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